Yes. So. As my mom and a lot of other moms have been discussing in the last few posts, many Christian women are having trouble finding a spouse who is passionately committed to God and shares a vision for homeschooling, world impact, or what-have-you. In fact, a great many cannot find (or be found by) any sort of spouse at all.

This issue comes up all the time on another blog I read regularly, Boundless.org from Focus on the Family. I have had the opportunity to see into many men’s hearts over the last several years through their posts there, and I have learned that it does not help them to hear the constant call from women to “man up.” The fact is that we women have plenty of issues to work out as well, being fallen creatures just like the men. I have read stories of men rejected over and over again and then laughed at and  gossiped entirely out of a church. My own brother has undergone a terribly painful relationship experience.

It’s like a formal dance. While the young man is initially responsible for asking a girl to dance, much of the responsibility for what happens afterwards falls to the young woman as well. She can follow gracefully and give him room to fail, encouraging him for trying, and enjoying the experience thoroughly when all finally goes right. Or she can hold a sense of entitlement that only skilled dancers need apply for her time, even though she herself wouldn’t know how to execute the part she is asking from the man.

That said, one of the most important character qualities we young women must develop is humility. We have to learn that our judgment may be flawed, and that we may not see clearly what makes a real man. Are we looking for an outer image or for character qualities such as perseverance, faithfulness, kindness, temperance, solid judgment, and intelligence? Must we have an exciting story of romance to share?

Put another way, would you rather marry a youth minister or a plumber? I ask because, although there is nothing wrong with marrying a youth minister, there simply are not enough of them to go around. Lots of men do not compose ballads, write beautiful letters by hand, or even talk very much at all. There is nothing wrong with them, particularly. It’s just that they are men, not women.

Over the last few years, I’ve been asking God to change the way I see, so that I can understand better what makes a man. I’ve prayed that He will change my future husband as well, so that he will be able to see me when the time comes. I think these are good prayers.